environmental cruelty
1. i use way too many plastic ziplock bags.
2. it's hard because of how much i enjoy them.
3. specifically, i enjoy pulling them out of their dispenser and
4. marveling at them.
5. i enjoy their convenience.
6. i enjoy the snack size
7. i enjoy the quart size
8. the snack size back often carries a lemon wedge,
9. toasted walnuts,
10. sea salt,
11. protein powder.
12. the quart size often carries baby greens or
13. spinach
14. i realize this constitutes environmental cruelty and i should amend my ways.

holiday offenses
1. enforced, cloying "cheer", "joy"
2. horrible xmas music, sometimes known as "carols"
3. pressure on hanukkah to be something spectacular, practically on ice, when it's a minor, 40-watt holiday
4. feelings of guilt for not buying any presents
5. obligatory party appearances
6. obligatory moments of seeking out meaning in ordinary things
7. terrible color combining, i.e., green and red
8. poinsettas
9. uncontrollable urge to reflect on life, seeing everything that's missing in technicolor
10. stores too crowded to attempt regular shopping for one's needs due to crazed gift buyers who are attempting to summarize their feelings for loved ones by purchasing turtle necks, ties, mittens and cute, horrid ornaments
11. tree cruelty

work offenses
1. call "tech support" to determine what kind of paper goes in which trays of printer only to be told, "it should be labeled."
2. insidious, negative female perfume that causes feelings of headache, nausea, agitation.
3. lack of a proper style manual to be used in support of important document production decisions such as whether to write out a numeral or use the numeral itself when presented as a page number less than the number ten ("10").