holiday offenses
1. enforced, cloying "cheer", "joy"
2. horrible xmas music, sometimes known as "carols"
3. pressure on hanukkah to be something spectacular, practically on ice, when it's a minor, 40-watt holiday
4. feelings of guilt for not buying any presents
5. obligatory party appearances
6. obligatory moments of seeking out meaning in ordinary things
7. terrible color combining, i.e., green and red
8. poinsettas
9. uncontrollable urge to reflect on life, seeing everything that's missing in technicolor
10. stores too crowded to attempt regular shopping for one's needs due to crazed gift buyers who are attempting to summarize their feelings for loved ones by purchasing turtle necks, ties, mittens and cute, horrid ornaments
11. tree cruelty