what i really want
1. to be free of my role in the internal, never-ending loop of my parents' marriage.
2. to remove all obstacles to love in the most painless way possible.
3. to be free of anger and resentment.
4. to be able to let things 'roll off my back,' as they say, and which some people, particularly males, are so adept at.
5. to not criticize self or others.
6. to not judge self or others.
7. to keep focus on self at all times.
8. to let go of the mean-spirited road house once and for all, please.
9. to welcome change before my back is against the wall.

next steps
1. brush teeth
2. take vitamins
3. go to fairway
4. go to post office

things i fuckin' love
1. salmon.
2. holiday, by the magnetic fields.
3. rosa mosqueta hand & body lotion, by aubrey organics.
4. karate.
5. coffee bean, roasted that day, at whole foods.
6. my hair color: black (long story).
7. my montblanc pen.
8. my filofax, which has been revived as part of my analog campaign.
9. driving to brooklyn, instead of taking the fucking train that takes fucking eight hours.
10. having the mta comlaint line programmed into my mobile fone for on-the-spot bus infraction reporting.

what i bought from aubrey organics
1. saving face sunscreen
2. rosa mosqueta hand & body lotion, two ("2") 8oz bottles - one kept in bathroom, one on desk
3. after sun care
4. rosa mosqueta hair conditioner, sample size
5. natural herbal emollient face cleanser, sample size
6. white camellia jasmine emollient face cleanser, free

new cds, two of which have arrived, two of which have not as of this date arrived, numbers one ("1") and two ("2") having arrived
1. holiday, the magnetic fields
2. spirit touches ground, josh clayton-felt
3. to be frank, nik kershaw
4. in our gun, gomez

a beautiful list i received today from my shackmate with case and style retained for your enjoyment, noting that on the actual list numbers are encircled and not followed by a dot and space
1. Wash sheets
2. Get Catfood for Nathan & Lammy/Get 2 bags of Tidy Cat Multiple Cat Litter
3. Take Out Recyclables
4. Get Oven Cleaner
5. Pick Up Gefilte Fish & Horseradish for My Ma.

so far, i have completed task numbers one ("1") and three ("3"). oven cleaner has been obtained by shackmate. i await instructions for executing number five ("5").

my amazing, activity-filled day
1. awaken, fully rested at eight o'clock am est.
2. grind and prepare espresso.
3. choose vessel, sip.
4. prepare morning meal of gorgeous roasted salmon fillet, grain, fruit, dairy elements.
5. listen to the guru gita as preparations are executed.
6. read yesterday's metro, arts, business and science sections.
7. fuck around online for hours.
8. take care of administrative tasks that have been ignored for months, accomplishing 50%+.
9. bleached & dyed chair cushion. color is lovely 50s shake machine green.
10. scrub tub.
11. two ("2") loads of laundry, including the cushion.
12. prepare and consumer lunch, similar to breakfast with the exception of the grain, dairy and fruit element. there were baby greens instead.
13. jog to vegetable stand to obtain soup greens for grieving soulmate.
14. jog back home.
15. shower.
16. clean out turtle tank.
17. provide comfort and full attention to grieving partner.
18. dinner. similar.
19. read a few pages of latest mcsweeneys.
20. engage in soul-warming fone conversation with wizard friend.
21. prepare mentally as well as hygienically for interpersonal sex that i probably won't have.
22. think about tomorrow's menu.
23. receive instructions on tomorrow's chicken soup preparation.

my week
monday: 4ts or karate
tuesday: satsang
wednesday: satsang at peggy's or meeting
thursday: karate or andrewcohen.org
friday: for now, nothing; in about three ("3") weeks, karate
saturday: karate
sunday: sacred center

today
1. breakfast can not be taken until crazy soulmate completes kitchen neuroses.
2. pay bills.

news items
1. am suffering my menses.
2. soulmate is scraping baked-on "dirt" with a razor blade.
3. successfully colored my hair last night, thus avoiding spending several hundred dollars.
4. have so far filled two ("2") 128-cd jackets, thus eliminating over 250 hideous jewel cases.
5. have decided to dispose of all jewel cases and use the jacket method of storage.
6. have instituted a personal boycott of all things french, which is hard because of how much i love to be spoken to in french.
7. may wash karate gi today.
8. may to go home depot today.
9. may call mother today.
10. may complete post-office related tasks today.
11. received sony boom-box that has very good sound.
12. am integrating my two ('2") cats with her one ("1") cat. no blood or hell yet.

places one can view the illustration art of melanie hope greenberg:
1. www.amazon.com
2. barnesandnoble.com
3. www.bankstreetbooks.com
4. the childrens defense fund, www.cdfwebstore.com

things i want to know
1. how many umbrellas does a person really need?
2. are ghosts making fun of me right now?
3. why is it hard to get rid of shoes?
4. have i changed at all?
5. why did my therapist of a dozen or so years drop me, over the fone, suddenly and with no warning?
6. will i ever be able to get up, really early, by myself?
7. why is it that i don't care much about sports?
8. are there really doctors or scientists who consciously suppress information about wellness to protect their livelihood?
9. when are the people who have been mean to me over the last year or two going to receive their divine punishment, and
10. will i feel better when this happens?

what i did tonight
1. showered, using new shampoo.
2. inserted metabolic adjustment into tupperware cup, which was itself inserted into a coach shopping bag.
3. went to long island to retrieve cats, who were causing allergic suffering in both my mother and sister.
4. stopped in brooklyn to clean and abandon my apartment. i smelled joya and felt sweet sadness. i left a small bloomberg transistor radio, abrasive cleaner and a pair of yellow rubber gloves.
5. ate apple.
6. ate part-skim ricotta cheese metabolic adjuster.
7. felt feelings.
8. set cats up in new bedroom.
9. ate so-called dinner at 135amest.
10. engaged in instant messaging with friend, discussing aspects of web hosting.